Making peace with the person in the mirror
For many people, looking in the mirror is not a neutral experience. It can bring up criticism, discomfort or old memories. Some of us avoid mirrors completely, while others glance too often, searching for reassurance or control. But what if your reflection did not have to feel like a test? What if you could learn to see yourself in a softer, more accepting way?
As a therapist, I often hear about the quiet internal moments that shape how we feel about ourselves. The mirror is one of those private spaces where thoughts come in quickly, often without us noticing. But your reflection is not the problem. What hurts is the way we often speak to ourselves when we see it.
With gentle awareness, the mirror can shift from a place of criticism to a place of connection. It can remind you that you are still here, still growing, still worthy of care. The goal is not to love every angle or image; it is to stay connected to the person behind the face. And that person deserves gentleness, especially in the quietest parts of the day.
In this article, I would like to explore how everyday encounters with mirrors and reflections can be an opportunity for healing, emotional insight, and self-understanding.
The morning mirror: A daily emotional check-in
Many people begin their day by looking in the bathroom mirror. Often, that moment becomes a habit of scanning for flaws like under-eye circles, skin blemishes, or signs of tiredness. We assess ourselves before we have even left the house.
Instead of jumping into judgement, try to pause. Before you look for what is wrong, ask yourself a different question: "How am I feeling this morning?"
Perhaps you notice tension in your chest, or a low mood, or even numbness. This shift, focusing on how you feel rather than how you look, can set a different tone for the day. You could place a small reminder on your mirror, something as simple as, "You are more than your appearance," or check in with your heart before your face. These words are not just affirmations; they are tools for emotional grounding.
Shop windows and reflections in the street
Sometimes you might catch your reflection in a shop window, a car door, or a passing screen. In these moments, the automatic response might be negative:"I look older", "I look too tired", or "I do not like what I see."
But these moments can become something else. When you see yourself unexpectedly, try saying quietly, "There I am." No judgement, no story, just an observation. It may sound simple, but acknowledging your presence without harshness is powerful. With time, these everyday glimpses can become moments of acceptance. Rather than correcting your appearance, you are simply noticing yourself.
The Zoom reflection: Managing self-image during video calls
In the age of video calls, many people are seeing their own image far more often than they used to. Whether it's work meetings, family chats, or online appointments, there is often a small box showing our face, and we cannot help but monitor it.
This constant viewing can lead to overthinking, adjusting posture, fixing hair or managing facial expressions. After a while, it becomes exhausting. Many people say they feel drained not by the meeting, but by how much attention they had to give to how they looked.
If you can, turn off the self-view option on your video call platform, or gently move your image to the corner of the screen. After the call, ask yourself, was I present in that conversation, or was I watching myself perform? This kind of reflection is not about blaming yourself; it is about becoming more aware of when you are truly present and when self-judgement pulls you away from connection.
Changing room mirrors: Navigating body image
Trying on clothes in a shop can bring up deep feelings, especially for those who have experienced body shame, disordered eating or a history of low self-worth. Changing rooms are often places where the inner critic gets loud. The lights are unflattering, the mirrors are large, and the experience can feel exposed.
If this sounds familiar, try approaching the moment differently. Before focusing on how the clothes look, ask yourself how they feel. Are they comfortable? Do they support your movement, your warmth or your sense of self?
How external influences shape our reflection
Many of us carry deep-rooted messages from the world around us that affect how we see ourselves in the mirror. These messages come not only from culture but also from media, advertising, social expectations, family, and even personal experiences. From a young age, we are exposed to narrow ideals about what is attractive or valuable, often presented as the “right” way to look or be. These external influences can set standards that feel impossible to reach, leading to feelings of inadequacy or self-criticism.
Over time, these repeated messages shape and sometimes distort our self-image, making it difficult to separate who we truly are from the roles and appearances we are expected to embody. Recognising and understanding these outside influences is a crucial step in untangling our authentic identity from the stories we have been told. By becoming aware of this, we create space for a kinder, more genuine relationship with our reflection, one that honours our true self beyond appearances.
Why these moments matter
The way you speak to yourself in private shapes your self-worth over time. Mirror moments, though small, are some of the most repeated interactions we have with ourselves each day. They are like quiet conversations, and they can either reinforce old patterns or invite something new. Each glance in the mirror carries the weight of many past experiences, messages from childhood, past relationships, or even society’s standards of beauty and success. These moments may seem brief, but they quietly build the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you deserve.
Shifting how you respond to your own image is not about boosting confidence instantly or forcing yourself to feel differently overnight. It is about building a slow, steady relationship with the self you see every day. This relationship grows through patience, kindness, and repeated practice. Over time, it can soften harsh self-judgments and open the door to greater self-acceptance and compassion. By changing these everyday mirror moments, you are not just changing how you look at your reflection; you are changing how you experience yourself in the world.